In the bleak midwinter

Isn’t that photograph of Norwich RC Cathedral beautiful? Norwich is amazing. This is the smaller of the two cathedrals in Norwich! It won’t be long before we see that kind of weather again – I do like snow as it looks so beautiful, but it’s terribly inconvenient.

The nights are definitely drawing in. It’s colder, wetter and I even had to dig out my winter coats this week. I know it’s a generic thing to say but really – where did the summer go? Did it ever arrive? I remember a fortnight in May where it was beautifully sunny. Never fear – next year I shall venture abroad to somewhere I can lie next to a pool on a sun lounger and do nothing. I may read a few books. Ah, the sunshine. How I miss thee.

I got my results back – I am not diabetic or anaemic. I am allergic to some nuts, which wasn’t terribly helpful as I knew that anyway. The weird thing about the results was that the test showed an allergic reaction to peanuts and not almonds, when in fact it’s the other way around. I discussed this with the doctor, who told me that my IgE level was so high that it could, and probably did, produce false positives. Eep.

In other news, Mr Charming and I have our fifth anniversary coming up soon. We have the day off from work, which is always nice. We’re not sure what we’ll do but it will involve dinner in the evening. I can’t believe it’s been that long already, to be honest. It feels like it should be no more than about three years. It’s all good.

I had another encounter with Grumpy Man the other day. He appears to have taken rather a shine to making my walk from the train station to work as difficult as possible. He’s there when I walk to the gate, out of the door and along the road to the office. I know, this does sound arrogant but honestly, the guy just doesn’t have anything else to do. So, there I am, walking to work and I cross the road to turn into the road that my office is on. Out of nowhere, GM appears and nips in front of me. He’s so close I almost trip over his heels. I tend to walk fast and I’ve noticed that people, especially men, dislike it when I overtake them. Once, a guy even ran onto the road to get round me when I’d overtaken him. Seriously. It’s not my fault that I’m usually cutting it a bit close to be wherever I need to be.

Anyway, GM had positioned himself so he was in the most awkward place possible. Directly in front of me, on a path that would be wide enough to cross on if he hadn’t insisted on walking like a gorilla. When I moved onto the grass to get past him, he moved over too. After about thirty seconds of this ridiculous dance I shouldered past him, muttering “Excuse me, please”. As soon as I did this, he crossed to the other side of the road. Basically, he’s an absolutely giant ass. It’s a shame, because there are a few Natives like him who walk the same way and get the same trains. It’d be nice to have a bit of company. Apparently he’d rather make a fool out of himself than act like a normal human being.

Speaking of which, I had company on the train the other day! It was the homeward bound train, rather than the morning one. A little early for a shopping trip, I feel. Anyway, Miss F and I rendezvoused under the station clock... Well, outside the train station, at least. It was really nice to have someone to speak to for a change. I was a bit aware that there were a couple of passengers who were particularly interested in our conversation, like the guy who came on clutching a can of Strongbow and then proceeded to stare at us for the half hour he was on the train. When he finally got off we were treated to a whiff of him as he swept past us – it’s really hard to describe the smell – old clothes, stale BO, alcohol…. You get the idea.

A little after he left two blokes stormed down the carriage. They were typical Bad Men – loud, proud and the types who would fly off the handle if someone looked at them the wrong way. As they walked past us Miss F had the pleasure of a corner of the last one’s jacket on the shoulder. He turned back. I have to admit, I held my breath for a split second. Then he said “Sorry!”. It was all a bit confusing, really. They proceeded to have a rip roaring barney peppered with suitably Northern words like ‘div’ as well as the usual suspects (begins with mother ends with... well , you get it) but then one of them announced he was going to sit down, stormed back down the train and sat down. Politely. Quietly. He even leant across to ask me something when I was making a cigarette (“Excuse me, love?”) but then decided not to and apologised instead. I reckon he wanted to ask for some tobacco but then saw that it was Cutter’s Choice and thought better of it.

It was still strange, though. I do think that either one of them would have a go at anyone who looked at them the wrong way, but they were also aware of the social environment they were in, and nodded towards that from time to time. It was a bit like the Friends kitchen phenomenon, where anything said in the kitchen can’t be heard in the living room.

Operation Hush is full steam ahead – there will be a decision around Tuesday next week, and the likelihood of the outcome being agreeable to me is 50%. Not bad odds – not as good as I hope right now, but we’ll see.

Navigating the Rural Jungle

So, I thought a blog would be a good idea for a couple of reasons.
One is that I have a degree in English Lit that doesn’t get used as much as I thought it would due to my ‘career’ in IT. The second is that every commute I make yields anecdotes and grumbles that franklly, my friends and loved ones are getting tired of.
This means a blog will allow me to vent my frustrations in a creative manner, and perhaps put me in the orbit of like-minded people.
At the very least, it’ll stop me whinging on a daily basis!

I commute from Norwich to Cambridge every weekday on a National Express East Anglia train, which is a journey of about an hour and twenty minutes, for those of you who don’t know and actually want to know. The journey itself is really beautiful as the surrounding Fenland makes for a majestic landscape, complete with various members of the animal kingdom from hare to deer.

The only problem is the other people. I find it vaguely fascinating but also can’t help myself getting irritated with the other passengers. They fall into categories, sometimes two at once. Here are my rough definitions of these groups, so you will be able to recognise them if you come across them. This list is by no means exhaustive – more categories and sub categories would be most welcome as suggestions.


1) The Natives: This is a certain group of people, who have obviously done the same journey for years. They have become so settled that they know all of the ticket conductors by name and all of the passengers. ‘Outsider’ passengers are ignored at best and downright unwelcome at worst. This is not exclusive to the Norwich- Cambridge service by any means. I used to commute to London on a weekly basis (i.e. I’d get the stupid o’clock train on a Monday and then get some god-awful packed tin tube back on a Friday) and the very same group of people existed there too.
They even have the same seats – make sure you don’t sit in theirs or you will be treated to A Look and possibly even stage whispers about people who don’t know what they’re doing.
They are such a big group that they can be divided into splinter groups too.

1a) Glamourpusses: not confined to the fairer sex, they get on and pull out a make up bag bigger than most people’s suitcases. With no tangible self consciousness they proceed to pluck, preen and powder their way to perfection. If you happen to catch their eye (especially while plucking) you will be met with an icy glare.

1b) Sleepyheads: There are a select group of commuters who can get on any moving vehicle and fall asleep wherever they are. I have encountered breathtakingly well equipped members – one gentleman had a blow up pillow stashed in his suit pocket. Invariably, you are not one of these people but has one sit next to you, and then find yourself trapped when you need the bathroom. Tricky indeed.

1c) Chompers: have breakfast prepared, or if it’s not breakfast, will at least be furnished with the loudest snack ever known. Breakfast is usually something obnoxious such as bananas or sandwiches meant for lunch – more often than not, egg or tuna. Or both, if you’re unlucky. These people have obviously never had a mother to tell them to eat with their mouths closed.

1d) Space Invaders: These can be spotted on trains, buses and tubes across the land. Let’s face it – on trains especially there isn’t an abundance of room. Space Invaders try to take up as much room as possible, regardless of physical mass, by spreading elbows and legs out. If you’re sitting in a pair, you can have the joy of quietly arm wrestling for the middle arm for the journey. Woe betide those hemmed in by two Space Invaders on a table – you will have an uncomfortably intimate game if footsie AND an arm fight. Let it be said – they are normally menopausal older women.

2) The Tourists: although glimpsed rarely on commuter trains (if I didn’t have to get up at 6.30am, I wouldn’t) when they do turn up they invariably have large cases and a big bag of food. Depending on the direction of travel, and their journey purposes, they may have lots of bags of shopping which they hang onto for the whole hour, regardless of who has a bag in their face. The tourists will always talk and sometimes shout to each other, especially if there’s a big enough group so they can’t sit together. They will then try to include everyone on the carriage and treat the journey as if it’s a school coach trip, complete with sing-a-long-a football songs.

3) The Schoolies: One thousand school kids pile on at one stop, who seem determined to perpetuate the stereotype of today’s youth. Chewing gum, fornicating openly, smoking and (this is the worst bit) playing music on their mobiles WITHOUT HEADPHONES. Mercifully, they pile off again at the next stop.

4) The Newbies: Anyone who hasn’t been doing the journey for more than fifteen years, but who still makes the same trains more than three times a week. They seek assurance from the Natives about the train destination and will follow their lead – getting up when they do, eating what they eat etc. They may even attempt to join in on some of the ‘jokey’ banter, but will find themselves hastily and firmly rebuffed.

I’ll bet you’re wondering which group I fall into. Or maybe you stopped reading at “So”. Either way, I’d like to think that I don’t fall into the trappings of running with the pack, but am instead a lone wolf, standing against the unjust and rude actions of the other groups in a world where no-one wants to be heard against the white noise of consumerism.

Failing that, I’m probably Newbie.